If you had asked me many years ago, I would have assured you I would have had a house full of children.  A dream that remained until a little over 13 years ago.

That dream ended when I married my husband.  I married him knowing full well he could no longer father children, without an expensive surgery.   I concluded it didn't really matter.  I knew he was a godly man who loved The Lord.  To me, it was an easy trade off.  I had much rather have a godly man than a house full of kids with an unglodly man.  I knew God had chosen him for me.


Little did I know, God's plan was completely different and better than mine.

In October 2005,  we brought home our daughter.  She is a picture of God's faithfulness to me.
When I look at her, I am reminded of God's love for me.  You see, He adopted me.

Every year Mother's Day gets a little sweeter.

This is so much better than my plan...

My very wise husband recently told me : "We have to take affection on her terms."  This was after a conversation lamenting over the fact that our daughter doesn't like being affectionate.

I was somewhat prepared, that at a certain age I would have to stop kissing her in public. But not prepared to have to beg for kisses and hugs AT HOME at age 8.  The sad thing is, it's not anything new.
This has been going on since the beginning.  After first bringing her home,  we were never able to hold her like a baby cradled in our arms.  She would arch her back and squirm until finally being vertical.  She was always busy, wanting to be able to check out everything.  She wanted to be aware of all around her.

Granted,  she was 9 1/2 months when she became ours but I longed to cradle her.   I still long to cradle her.   As a matter of fact, I can't get enough kisses and hugs.  The only problem is, is that I have to beg, plead, and bribe for them,  until this morning.

I was sitting on the side of the bed and she came into our bedroom.  I have no clue why, but she climbed into my lap, wrapped her arms around me and just sat there embracing me.  She commented: "you're warm."  I almost couldn't believe this was my child.  I immediately thought of the conversation Ben and I had.  I realized how sweet this moment was.  I determined not to move, not to hurry her to get ready.  I just sat there.  I decided I would not be the first to let go either.  I was going to enjoy every last second of this.  And I did.  She sat there for about 5 minutes then as quick as she embraced me she loosened her arms and climbed back out of my lap.

I guess I will take what I can get.  I'm sure I will never stop wanting hugs and kisses from her, no
matter how old she gets.  But I must say, they are extra sweet when she initiates them.

I'm really hoping she does it again tomorrow.  :)

"Mama"

There are some days I am overwhelmed with God's goodness.  

Some days I look at her and can't believe I'm her "mama."

It happened yesterday as she was sitting across from me.

She had invited a friend over to play. 

I took them to the park then to lunch at Zaxby's.

As she was sitting across from me, she and her little friend, she took off her coat.

She reached across the table with coat in hand and said: "here, mama."

In that moment I had this overwhelming feeling of gratitude come over me. 

Just hearing "mama" come out of her mouth gave me this crazy sense of joy.

It was as if she was claiming me.  I am hers.  

After 7 1/2 years I still can't believe it. 

I grabbed her jacket and she never even knew my thoughts.  

I just smiled at her.  

God is good.  

I love the honesty of my girl.  

I was productive today.  I got up, took her to school, ran three miles.  

Came home, cleaned house.  Fall always makes me want to cook.  With my kitchen being remodeled it's been hard to feel like getting in there,  but I decided I was going to make bread today.  

After the bread machine was going, I realized I had forgotten the salt.  I thought to myself, this won't/can't make that much of a difference.  Boy, was I wrong.

It didn't rise like it should, didn't cook right.  Was doughy.  

My girl wanted some so I I told her I'd cut her a piece.  I took it to her and left to do something else.  When I checked back in on her later, she still hadn't eaten it.  She normally LOVES my homemade bread.  

I asked her "how is the bread?"

she replied: "I don't like it very much, it has no flavor.  It's actually terrible."

I couldn't help but laugh.  

Me: "I know, I forgot the salt and used unsalted butter."  

Her response: "well, did you remember the honey?"

It was so funny, we both chuckled.  I suppose we'll try to toast it.  

The Life Cycle of a Butterfly

A couple of nights ago I was running Chloe's bath water and I could hear her talking to someone.
As she made her way back to the bathroom I could see she was talking into her iPod touch.  Later she sent me, via message, what she had been recording.  I decided to record it here.  Her class has been studying butterflies.  This is what she's learned....



"Hey,
My name is Chloe and my middle name is Caroline and my last name is Hansard.
I have a mama and daddy and they're very nice.  I go to Berry College and I'm learning about butterflies.

On Monday, which is, the date is 9 (stands for the 9th month) and um it is 13 (for the 13th day of the 9 months) 2012 is for the year I'm in.  And also, on Monday, well, it could be any Monday but Monday it's the day is 9-16 (I think) 2012.  That's when we'll start learning about deer.  And, um, right now we're learning about butterflies.  I want to tell you a few facts about butterflies.

I'll tell you about the pupa, I mean about the egg first.  The butterfly lays it's egg on the bottom of a leaf.
So then, no predators will eat the eggs.  Like snakes, or any kinds of things, or birds, or anything.  In the caterpillar stage.  The science word for it is- Larva.  Okay, so....um, let's see.

The larva eats about almost all the leaf, then once it gets good and fat and stuff and eats a lot it forms into a chrysalis.  Now the next stage is chrysalis.   The science word for chrysalis is pupa.  Okay, now say it.  It's spelled P U P A.  It kind of sounds like 'Papa' but it's really supposed to be PUPA.

Okay, once the larva stays in the pupa for a little while, the um, the adult which is the science name for butterfly comes out head first. And that's not called hatching, it's EMERGE.  Try it, say...EMERGE.

Okay, so you got emerge.

Now for the adult stage, um, the butterfly actually does stay for, um, it's an adult for probably 2 weeks I guess.  Then it dies.  It doesn't last very long.  But adult is a science name for butterfly.  Before the butterfly dies it lays it's egg under it's leaf and the whole life cycle will end and start all over, like I told you.

The science words for every stage of the butterfly are

First- Egg
Second- Larva
Third- Pupa
Fourth- Adult

Then the whole life cycle starts over again...see you in the next video.

Bye

And remember my name is Chloe, and this is the stage of a butterfly."

Sweet comments after our bedtime bible story:

(the Passover)

My baby : "A baby lamb?"

Me: "I don't think so."

My baby: "good, because that would be mean."

My baby : "I'm glad we don't have to put blood on our door because that would be disgusting.  It might not come off."

I always love her responses.  

It's going to happen whether you want it or not.  Time marches on.

She's all pink!

The Backpack, lunchbox and water bottle.

2nd Grade

Why do I want to sit down and cry?

  Why do I tear up when I look at her?

I'll tell you why...

Because every time I look at her I'm reminded of the gift she is.  

A gift from the Father.  

"He gives the barren a woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!"

Psalm 113:9