These are words from my husband. I post them on here so Chloe can see one day what kind of daddy she has and how blessed we are to have him.
"I love you!" Really?
It is obvious that i am not too young anymore, yet i am not that old yet either, just sort of sandwiched in the middle of both spectrums at this point in my life. I can still recall my youth that has faded like a vapor and even wish i could re-attain it at times. Then i can visualize my coming years yet in front of me. I cannot testify what my senior years will be like for i am years removed from that phase in my pilgrimage, but i have gained a greater appreciation for the golden crowd the closer i come to approaching them.
"I Love You" are words that take on a new shape though as i hopefully grow in wisdom. Like most friends my age reading this can recall, those words can be a bit misguided in our youth. Perhaps well-meaning, we toss them around rather flippantly. If properly dissected they could better be interpreted as, "I need you," "I like the way you make me feel," "I like what you do for me" and such. We call it love and we likely believe it to be so for we have yet to see love, but it is preparation for love at best. The person we "love" at that point has not gone through any battles with us, he has not faced a financial crisis with us, she has not had a major illness to be cared for with us and we have not seen that person in his/her purest form. Honestly, it is in marriage and only in marriage that we see the "real" person.
How do i define love between a man and a woman? Honestly, i fully can't. However, i can say that it is sacrificial, forgiving, compromising, understanding, encouraging, patient and so much more. A better list can be found in I Corinthians 13. Take a moment to chew on these adjectives listed for a bit. I have been married to Kim for 10 1/2 years as i write this and i now can state the words that i often heard others before me claim, "I love her far more now than i did when i married her." Some will even say that you can't truly love someone until you marry them. I would also agree. Think about it, that person who made you feel good and whom you just KNEW that you loved might let you lie in bed sick and not care for you. He might not be there for you when you have a family member die. She may not hold your hand when you lose your job and cannot provide financially for a period. Rather, she just walks away.
I confess that i am a people watcher. It thrilled me one day as i was in a business and i just watched this very old black man perhaps 80 years plus of age get out of his older car, carefully and cautiously walk to the passenger side, open the door, help his bride out of the car, and walk her to the place of business. She had even more difficulty walking than even he did. He opens the door for her and sits down only after helping his wife be seated first. He cared for his bride and she was grateful for it. I just smirked to myself and thought, "now THAT is love." What battles must they have fought together in their many years of marriage? What problems did they encounter while raising their kids? How many times did they wonder where the money would come from this month to pay bills? They knew each, accepted each other and they had love.
Time would prohibit me from providing too many individual stories like this, but there are many. But you will see in those who have grown in love certain features. You will see communication being given without words. Look for each partner still building the other up even after all the years. Watch an older gentleman walk beside his bride with his hand on the small of her back. Watch a lady still delight in retrieving a glass of tea for her husband. Watch them laugh together with one hand on top of the other's. They are teammates. They are partners. They are friends. They like the company of others, but they most prefer just being together. Nobody else knows their journey and has been through the battles with them. They are ONE!
Well again, Ben is sandwiched between youth and wisdom. I realize that in my youth i did not really love Kim. I did not know how to love her yet. I liked her a lot. I was committed to her, but i did not love her. I cannot pinpoint an exact day that i loved her. Love evolves. I would suppose that she could claim the same thing. And certainly i will look back one day while in my senior years and i will say that "i thought i loved her a lot while in my 40's, but i sure do love her more now." Hopefully she will say the same. She has been through some battles with me and vice versa. I know her and she knows me. We possess stories, memories and private jokes that no one else on the planet would understand.
It is worth mentioning that i write this in the early hours of the morning after having been the sickest i can ever recall and after she cared for me. I have not looked good and would not be viewed as a good catch right now.
So how do you advise someone in his youth to tell the person he wants to marry? Surely he likes her. Surely he wants to be with her. My opinion is this: tell that bride to be, "I commit to love you! I commit to be there for you during the good and bad. I commit to build memories with you. I commit to serve you when you are broken-hearted. I commit to care for you, provide for you, nurture you, serve the Lord with you... With God as my witness, I COMMIT!" To me, that is the birth of love. Everything prior to this is only preparation.
